Living with ADHD and a traumatic childhood - Online Therapy For ADHD
By Destiny Winters LPC CRC
Imagine that you just stepped out onto a busy street, a bicyclist is whizzing by, and you’re fascinated. You’re 5, and this dude has on a dinosaur helmet. You’re enthralled until your mom yanks your arm screaming at you and you’re zapped right back into reality - a life in which awe and wonder are dangerous.
As adults, we understand what is happening. Mom was scared that you were about to be run over by a bike, the bike was going to fall into the road, and well, you can quickly anticipate the rest of the story…
And if the story ended with Mom yelling at you and then your family going back to the task at hand, this would be a non-event in your life. Instead, Mom squeezed your harm too hard, berated you for 10 more minutes, decided you were no longer going to get ice cream, and gave you the silent treatment for the rest of the day. Bedtime was scary because there was no comfort in Mom’s voice, and you didn’t yet know how to comfort yourself.
So you go to bed telling yourself how stupid you are and how you need to never do that again. The only problem is, you don’t know what “that” was because everything happened too damn fast for your brain to make sense of it. So you start shutting down your executive functioning skills little by little because executive functioning requires safety.
The Big Question: Is ADHD Caused By Trauma?
The short answer? No. The best answer? But living with a neurodivergent brain is usually traumatic in our society.
The world wants us to figure out these things on our own:
Multitask when they want us to, and do not multitask when they don’t want us to
Remember details that are important to them, but forget about details that are important to us if those details make others uncomfortable
Prioritize appropriately, in their eyes
Regulate our emotions, but really they’re asking us to suppress our emotions for their benefit
To stay consistent and never change our minds
All of these bullet points go against how ADHD brains work, meaning we’re constantly fighting a battle.
There are so many reasons why we as ADHDers might want to improve our executive functioning skills and learn to focus better, improve our memory, pay attention to boring and tedious tasks, prioritize, and manage our time. The problem lies in HOW we are trying to accomplish these tasks.
And that’s where ADHD therapy in Atlanta, GA comes in.
What Therapy Is Like For People With ADHD
Every therapist is different, but you want to make sure that the one you find is dedicated to using neurodivergent affirming practices. You’ll know they’re affirming if you leave sessions feeling like they actually understand why you can’t “just do it.” You don’t feel like they’re frustrated with you for “being difficult.” They reject the notion that you’re broken and that you need to be fixed, while also helping you move toward the growth and change that you deem important to you. They also understand that typical therapy skills and strategies might not work for you, and they let you know that that’s totally OK.
The consultation call
Here are some questions that you might consider asking during your free consultation with an ADHD-affirming therapist:
How do you approach therapy for individuals with ADHD, Autism, Bipolar, and/or Personality Disorders?
Do we focus or avoid goals that try to make me appear more neurotypical?
How will you approach me if I’m not meeting goal that we’ve set together?
Do we focus more on what’s wrong in sessions or what’s going right?
The therapist might not have the perfect answer, because being asked these questions on the spot with no context for who you are is a really hard ask. However, the therapist shouldn’t get defensive or make you feel like your questions are wrong. If they’re at least willing to engage in that conversation, it might be worth checking them out.
The therapeutic relationship
You should feel like your ADHD therapist is strong and sturdy, but not rigid. You’ll know they’re strong because when you come into session feeling totally unhinged and ready to burst! They won’t shut you down quickly or make you feel wrong for showing up that way BUT they also won’t let your emotions run the whole show and you’ll actually feel appreciative toward this. Because it’s our job to provide a safe container, and we know that you have real, meaningful goals that you want to do with your life! So we hold ourselves steady and help you move through those emotions, not stuff them down, and not perseverate on them to the point that you leave the session feeling nothing was accomplished.
Your therapist should also be taking a strengths-based approach to treatment. Calling ADHD traits a strength is controversial in the neurodivergent community at the moment, but here’s our take at The Chronic Illness Therapist. These traits ARE strengths. Some of the most successful, powerful people in the world are so because of their ADHD. (Of course, luck hard work, and money play a part in their success, but without their ADHD, they likely wouldn’t be where they are today.)
Strengths-based therapy isn’t just about celebrating strengths though. This isn’t about everyone winning a trophy for no reason. No… you actually deserve the trophy. Research shows that when we focus on using what’s already right and good inside of us gets us further than trying to fix the “broken parts.” By the way, there are no broken parts, but that’s a common misconception.
The work
Strengths-based therapy for folks with ADHD is all about finding out what your strengths are and then letting yourself use those traits to get things done. It’s also about recognizing which traits are harder for you to tap into, and then figuring out what kinds of resources, supports, and accommodations you might need to help you tap into those traits when those traits are the right ones for the job you’re trying to accomplish.
Acceptance work goes hand-in-hand with strengths-based analysis. Acceptance work requires us to feel what we’re feeling without using defense mechanisms and without crumbling. Defensive mechanisms are super important because they help us not crumble. In the presence of a safe therapist and with proper coping and grounding skills that are meaningful to YOU personally, we can do this acceptance work, even though it’s hard. That means we learn how to stop using maladaptive defense mechanisms and to reroute our behaviors towards actions that bring more meaning and purpose into our lives. This means that YOU are in the driver's seat, with support from your ADHD therapist, of course.
At the end of the day, it’s about respect for autonomy!
Getting Started with Online ADHD Therapy in Atlanta, GA
Ready to take control of your ADHD journey and discover effective strategies for managing childhood trauma? Whether you're seeking ADHD therapy, coping strategies, or simply a supportive community, we're here to help you thrive. Take the first step towards empowerment and fulfillment today!
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Other Services We Offer in Georgia
At The Chronic Illness Therapist, we offer a comprehensive range of therapeutic services to support individuals facing various challenges. Our grief therapy provides compassionate support for those navigating loss, while our chronic illness therapy offers tailored assistance for managing complex chronic illnesses. Additionally, our anxiety and depression therapy provides evidence-based interventions.