Food Allergies - Building Confidence and Safety for Our Kids Part 3/4
➡️ This blog post is part 3 of a 4-part series. Click here to read Part 1 first!
Outline
Part 1
Understanding Food Allergy vs Food Sensitivity
Part 2 (to be published 9/27/24)
Understanding Anxiety + Food Allergy
Safety Plans and Practical Strategies
Part 3 (to be published 10/04/24)
The Psychological and Emotional Aspects
Supporting Children with Food Allergies
Part 4 (to be published 10/11/24)
Anxiety-Reducing Tips
Balancing and Sharing Family Responsibilities
Building a Supportive Community
Each post will be published on 9/20/24, 9/27/24, 10/4/24, and 10/11/24. Sign up for my email list here to be notified about new blogs, podcasts, and mental health workshops related to living with a chronic illness!
The Psychological and Emotional Aspects
Dr. Whitehouse says, “It's not as simple as just changing what foods we're eating or how we're shopping or cooking. It impacts so many different areas, [and] the whole family is affected and often feels frozen in terms of knowing where to start making some progress towards a new normal.”
Common Parental Fears:
Social Isolation: Worrying that their child will feel isolated or excluded due to their food allergy.
Financial Burden: Concern about the additional costs associated with managing a food allergy, such as specialty foods or medical expenses.
FinanTimecial Burden: Concern about the additional time associated with managing a food allergy, such as specialty foods.
Guilt: Feeling guilty or responsible for their child's food allergy.
Lack of Support: Feeling unsupported by family, friends, or healthcare providers.
Fear of the Unknown: Worrying about the long-term implications of the food allergy, such as potential health risks or social challenges.
Children's Fears:
Fear of the Unknown: Worrying about what might happen if they have a reaction.
Loss of Control: Feeling helpless or powerless to control their food allergy.
Body Image Issues: Associating their food allergy with negative body image or self-esteem.
Fear of Judgment: Worrying about being judged or teased by others.
Limited Food Choices: Feeling restricted or deprived due to their dietary limitations.
Social Anxiety: Avoiding social situations due to fear of a reaction or embarrassment.
These are just a few examples of the many fears that parents and children may experience when dealing with a food allergy. It's important to be patient, understanding, and supportive, and to remember that therapists can help you navigate all of these issues in your individual sessions with them.
Kids usually don’t outright say, “I’m scared to have an allergic reaction today.” Instead, they often get quiet and just say “I don’t want to go to school or to that place.” They might have vague complaints like “my stomach hurts” or “I don’t feel good.” They might stop hanging out with friends but struggle to verbalize why. If kids feel misunderstood, they often have very limited or no language to accurately convey that message to you.
Supporting Children with Food Allergies
Aside from the practical strategies, kids benefit most from attunement from their parents. This means responding to your children in a way that eases their fears and lets them know that you, the adult, have everything under control. You’re allowed to have fear also, and you can share this with your kids in an age-appropriate way, but your kids need to know that your fear also comes with confidence in your ability to handle any situation that might arise.
Since kids struggle to communicate their fears, it’s our job as their parents to be patient enough to hear what our kids need, even when they can’t verbalize it. I’m not saying that you need to anxiously guess what your kids need. I mean we need to
ask our kids hard questions, and be very very patient with their responses.
have many low-demand and low-pressure conversations about the same topic, rather than assuming one conversation is enough
Kids are so good at telling us what we want to hear, and I don’t mean this in a bad way. Remember, their language abilities are still developing, even as teenagers. We need to make it safe for them to voice their thoughts, opinions, and objections. This requires us to stay curious, keep our own fear in check, and get our own support when needed so that we can stay regulated with our children.
Some questions to ask your child during weekly or monthly family meetings:
Preschoolers (3-5 years old)
Do you like your special snacks?
Is it fun to have a special treat at school?
Do you feel safe when you're at school?
What’s the color of your favorite snack?
The goal here is to encourage familiarity with their food options in a positive light.
Elementary School (6-11 years old)
How do you feel about having a food allergy?
Are you worried about anything related to your food allergy?
Do you ever feel left out or different?
Do you ever wonder about why things are the way they are?
The goal here is to encourage your child to also ask some questions, so you can gain an understanding of their worries. The goal is not to quickly alleviate their worries. The goal is to help them voice their concerns and to show them that they are seen, heard, and acknowledged.
Teenagers (12-18 years old)
How do you handle social situations when it comes to your food allergy?
Are you worried about what the future holds?
Have you ever had a scary experience related to your food allergy? or What do you remember about the time you had an allergy reaction?
What do you think about your current food allergy management plan?
The goal here is to assess your child’s knowledge about their allergies as well as their emotions. Their answers to these questions should help you understand what else your child might need from you in order to feel safe, both logistically and emotionally.
Listen to the full podcast episode with Dr. Amanda Whitehouse, and look out for Part 4 of this blog series next Friday (10/11/24).
➡️ This blog post is a 4-part series. Each post will be published on 9/20/24, 9/27/24, 10/4/24, and 10/11/24. Sign up for my email list here to be notified about new blogs, podcasts, and mental health workshops related to living with a chronic illness!
Destiny Davis, LPC CRC, is solely responsible for the content of this document. The views expressed herein may or may not necessarily reflect the opinions of Amanda Whitehouse, PhD.