Food Allergies - Building Confidence and Safety for Our Kids Part 4/4

➡️ This blog post is part 4 of a 4-part series. Click here to read Part 1 first!

Outline
- Part 1
  - Understanding Food Allergy vs Food Sensitivity
- Part 2 (to be published 9/27/24)
  - Understanding Anxiety + Food Allergy
  - Safety Plans and Practical Strategies
- Part 3 (to be published 10/04/24)
  - The Psychological and Emotional Aspects
  - Supporting Children with Food Allergies
- Part 4 (to be published 10/11/24)
  - Anxiety-Reducing Tips
  - Balancing and Sharing Family Responsibilities
  - Building a Supportive Community

Each post will be published on 9/20/24, 9/27/24, 10/4/24, and 10/11/24. Sign up for my email list here to be notified about new blogs, podcasts, and mental health workshops related to living with a chronic illness!

Anxiety-Reducing Tips

Exposure + support = safety

Exposure doesn’t mean touching the thing you’re allergic to. It means exposing ourselves to the “what can go wrong” and our safety plans. We need to talk about the allergy from a place of “here’s what we know, and here’s what we don’t know.” This gives our nervous system a safe place to anchor to. It lets our nervous system know that we can have the tools in place to handle what might go wrong.

Dr. Whitehouse emphasizes that food allergy fears are often real and significant. Before addressing negative thought patterns, we must establish a sense of safety within our nervous systems.

Each family member should develop a common understanding of safety. This involves openly discussing fears, concerns, and safety protocols. Establishing safety will look different for the child and for the parent. But all members of the family will have to figure out a common language for safety so that each member of the family isn’t feeding into the fears of the other members.

Nervous System / Somatic Strategies for Calm

Mindful Observation: Slowly and deliberately examining your surroundings can help ground you and reduce anxiety.

From a somatic perspective, looking around the room and food table slowly and deliberately can help ease one’s nerves because it helps to validate and verify whether an allergy is or isn’t present.

Cognitive Strategies for Calm

Safe Space Reminders: Remind yourself and your children that your home or other safe spaces are allergy-free.
Food Safety Practices: Establish routines for checking ingredients and asking questions about food.
Trust in Your Safety Plan: Remind yourself that you have the tools, like epinephrine, to handle potential reactions.

Balancing and Sharing Family Responsibilities

How we divide and conquer responsibilities in our families will depend on our philosophies about family, gender roles, and specific needs in the family.

Family Philosophies:

Traditional vs. Egalitarian: Some families adhere to traditional gender roles, where men and women have specific responsibilities. Others work within an egalitarian approach, where responsibilities are shared more equally regardless of their gender construct. Even within LGBTQ+ couples, families might still take on a more traditional approach, so it’s important to talk about your family norms openly and clearly.
Individual Strengths and Preferences: Consider each family member's skills, interests, and preferences when assigning tasks. Taking a strengths-based approach rather than trying to make everyone excel at everything can lead to greater satisfaction and efficiency.
Cultural and Religious Influences: Cultural and religious beliefs can shape expectations about family roles and responsibilities.

Specific Needs of the Household:

Family Size and Composition: The number of family members, their ages, and any special needs can influence the division of labor.
Work Schedules: Parents' work schedules can impact who is available to handle certain tasks.
Household Structure: Whether you live in a single-parent household, a dual-income household, or another arrangement can affect how responsibilities are divided.

The decisions we make around labor division in the household will and should change over time as our families change and also as our allergies and allergic reactions change. Kids should take on more responsibility as they age, so that they can take care of themselves as adults. But they shouldn’t be forced to do more than what they can cognitively and emotionally handle at each stage of life.

Consistent conversation is probably the most important thing you can do for your children’s independence and confidence in themselves.

Building a Supportive Community

Building a community is harder than ever these days. With the deterioration of third spaces (common places for people to gather outside of work and home, such as parks, coffee shops, community centers, and more), building community is one of the biggest hardships that many of my clients face.

One way our nervous systems breed feelings of safety is through familiarity. Our nervous system makes very quick judgments about what it sees and feels, so the more positive exposures we have to certain places, the easier it is for us to lean into vulnerability.

And vulnerability is SO important for making deep and meaningful human connections. When we spend time in familiar places, we can more easily recognize who is safe and HOW we know they’re safe.

Also, for folks to remember your allergies, they will likely need that ongoing interaction with you, with reminders, before it becomes just as ingrained in their minds.

Here are some things that encourage bonding between humans:

Shared Experiences: Beyond just knowing someone, shared experiences can strengthen bonds. Ex: Attending the same events, sharing the same beliefs, and having similar experiences (such as laughing at the same jokes or dancing to the same music)
Consistent Presence: Regular interactions are also crucial. A friend or family member who is consistently present in your life, even if only through brief check-ins, can provide a sense of stability and support.
Active Listening: Being able to actively listen to others, without judgment or interruption, is a vital skill for building trust and connection. When someone feels heard and understood, they are more likely to open up and share their vulnerabilities.
Honesty and Directness: Being honest, even when it’s difficult, is considered clear and kind. Even if someone reacts poorly at first, people usually value and feel safer with someone who is clear and direct with their language. That’s why boundaries and clear requests are vital to helping your own nervous system feel safer in shared spaces.

Concluding Takeaways

Understanding Food Allergies vs. Sensitivities: While allergies involve an immune system overreaction, sensitivities can stem from various factors. Both are equally important.
The Mental Load of Food Allergies: Parents often carry significant mental and emotional burdens associated with managing their child's food allergies. We as parents do this with love and pride, and we deserve support in this large endeavor.
Building Community and Connection: Fostering relationships and creating a supportive community comes with it’s own obstacles, but is crucial for individuals with food allergies.
Addressing Anxiety and Fear: Understanding the link between anxiety and food allergies can help individuals develop coping strategies.
Creating Safety Plans: Developing personalized safety plans, including carrying epinephrine and knowing emergency procedures, is essential for managing food allergies.
Seeking Support: Consulting with healthcare professionals and therapists can provide valuable guidance and support for individuals and families dealing with food allergies.