When Habits & Routines Feel Impossible: The ADHD Brain's Guide to Thriving
If you have ADHD, you've probably heard the advice to create habits and routines a million times. It sounds great in theory – who doesn't want a more organized, productive life? But if you're like many of us with ADHD brains, then I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that traditional habits and routines can feel more like a straitjacket than a helpful structure for you.
So, what's the solution? It's time to rethink what works for our unique neurology.
Understanding the ADHD Brain:
Here’s how our brains are wired:
We crave novelty,
struggle with executive function (those pesky skills like planning and time management),
and often get derailed by hyperfocus or distraction.
This means the standard "set a schedule and stick to it" approach usually leaves us feeling frustrated and defeated. When frustration and defeat happen over and over again, it creates a sense of helplessness.
Why Typical Habits & Routines Fail Us:
Rigidity:
Strict schedules can feel suffocating because of our innate physiology. Learning to be more consistent isn’t about “discipline.” Trying to force ourselves through willpower and punishment backfires and makes it harder for us to accomplish tasks.
So if it’s true that discipline isn’t the most effective way for us to learn how to complete our daily tasks, then why do all of the experts tell us to do it?
Routines help reduce decision fatigue and make our lives easier. And most authority figures find is very difficult to be inconvenienced by our wandering minds, so they try to impose strict rules on us to make us comply. We then internalize this strictness, and it takes a strong and conscious effort to try to unlearn this way of thinking as an adult.
We have to learn how to account for our natural, fluctuating energy levels and interests. We have to understand that it’s normal and natural to have moments of excitement and then moments of low-energy. When we follow this cycle and work with it instead of against it, our lives become much, much more joyful.
Boredom:
Repetitive tasks quickly lose their appeal. Our brains crave novelty and stimulation, making it hard to maintain interest in routine activities.
But honestly? It’s not even about our need for stimulation. Personally, I think it’s about our need for meaning.
We have precious and limited energy. True, that energy can come in huge bursts, but it’s still limited. Therefore, we want and need our tasks to just make sense.
We can’t do something just for the sake of doing it. We can’t do something just because someone told us to. We do things, and we do things really well when those things make sense and are important to us.
This is why we like to research things so incessantly. We like to know exactly what, why, and how something works. Through this knowledge, we create a strong sense of meaning and purpose. This makes boring tasks much less boring.
Fun story. When I was a kid, my mom told me that “boys wouldn’t want to kiss me” if I didn’t brush my teeth. Yes, this is super heteronormative and also a little weird to talk to a 7-year-old about, but hey… it worked. It put enough importance and meaning into the task that I could tolerate the boringness. As an adult, the habit started to slip again, especially as “boys” no longer held such power over me… but once I learned that oral hygiene was directly connected to heart health, brushing and flossing became a non-negotiable for me every single day. (Inflammation caused by oral bacteria can damage the inner lining of blood vessels, which can lead to the buildup of plaque, which narrows the arteries and restricts blood flow to the heart, which can lead to atherosclerosis and an increased risk of heart attack and stroke.)
Once you figure out your why, you really don’t need to find the “habit hacks.” You will naturally prioritize the thing, no matter how boring it is.
Executive Dysfunction:
Even with the best intentions, starting and completing tasks can be a major challenge. Executive dysfunction is a collection of cognitive challenges that impact our ability to manage and organize tasks. It's like the brain's control center isn't firing on all cylinders at the right time. Here's how executive dysfunction can specifically sabotage typical habits and routines for the ADHD brain:
Planning and Prioritization: Creating a complex routine from scratch can be overwhelming. Deciding what goes where, and how long each task takes, and anticipating potential roadblocks can feel like trying to solve a giant, dizzying puzzle.
Time Management: Traditional routines often rely on strict timeframes. For the ADHD brain, inaccurate time perception can make sticking to a schedule nearly impossible. Minutes can melt away unnoticed, leading to missed deadlines and a feeling of being constantly behind.
Task Initiation and Motivation: Getting started (and finishing) are the hardest parts. The classic "activation energy" needed to launch into a task can feel insurmountable, especially for tasks that might seem confusing, tedious or uninteresting. Finishing tasks are also incredibly difficult because our dopamine and adrenaline levels start to decrease after the largest part of a task is over.
P.S. This really isn’t a deficit - it’s actually a normal process. Cortisol and adrenaline are two hormones and neurotransmitters that give us a boost of energy to wake up and to start tasks. Once the hardest part is over, it’s like your brain says “ok! Our work here is done.” Understanding how the brain work is a great first step to figuring out how to overcome these obstacles.
Task switching: Life throws curveballs. A rigid routine often crumbles when unexpected events arise. Our ADHD brains often struggle to adapt on the fly and get back on track, leading to discouragement and abandoning the routine altogether.
The ADHD-Friendly Approach:
Work with a therapist who truly understands ADHD. Ask them in their consult call how and why they work with ADHD clients. Not every therapist will be willing to share whether or not they have lived experience, and it’s important to respect that boundary. BUT they should still have an answer that makes you feel good about working with them.
Work WITH your brain, not against it
Allow your hyper fixation to help you create meaning and purpose for mundane tasks. Know why this task is important to you, and if it’s not important, then try abandoning it for a while. See what happens. If you don’t like the consequences of abandoning that task, you will likely gain a stronger sense of importance and urgency.
Harness Hyperfocus:
When you're in the zone, go with it! Capitalize on those periods of intense focus to tackle challenging tasks.
Build in Variety:
Mix things up! Alternate between different types of tasks to keep your brain engaged. Just be sure to do this with intention, so that YOU control your attention rather than letting your attention control you.
Ex: If I’m working from home and know that I need to get a work project done, I might allow for breaks that include some housework, like laundry or dishes, but I might set a time for 10-20 minutes in an effort to not get hyperfocused on cleaning, leading to the work project not getting done.
Embrace Flexibility:
Focus on systems, not schedules. Instead of a rigid hourly breakdown, create a system for tackling tasks. For example, a "morning launch list" could outline 3-5 key things to accomplish before moving on to the day's work. It’s important for us to have loose but boundaries frameworks that allow for spontaneous changes.
Also, build in buffer time and allow for adjustments. Unexpected events become less disruptive when there's wiggle room in the plan.
Chunk It Up:
Break down large tasks into smaller, more manageable steps. Even the neurotypical brain can only hold approximately 4 tasks in its memory centers at a time. Write things down in chunks, and use technology to help you when needed.
Sometimes it feels better to write on pen and paper, other times it feels better to use a screen. Allow for this fluctuating need.
Note: sometimes the skill of figuring out how to chunk things into groups is daunting in and of itself. Try out the website https://goblin.tools/ to help you out.
Reward yourself BEFORE and AFTER the task is done. Positive reinforcement goes a long way. It takes about 5 positive experiences to outweigh 1 negative experience of equal caliber. Most of us grew up with little to no celebration OR so much celebration that it felt meaningless. Decide for yourself how much positive self-talk you need to engage in for the reward to feel Celebrate completing tasks and milestones, but please do it in a way that’s genuine and specific for you. Ex: “Wow, I really stuck through that hard part.”
Technology Can Be Your Friend:
Use technology as a brainstorming buddy. I love Goblin Tools for helping me break tasks down whenever I feel like my head is swirling. Of course, we can easily get sucked into the distraction of technology, so it’s important to be gentle with yourself whenever you catch yourself dissociating into the world of constant movement.
Here are some tips:
Turn off all push notifications on your phone. Social media, emails, random apps, news apps. Every, single, notification. If something is important enough, you will open it when you have the time and space to. We don’t need notifications to remind us that an app is there.
Let go of the shame you have about scrolling “too much” and “wasting all your time scrolling. The shame keeps you stuck. Simply notice when it happens, and gently bring your attention back to the task that you actually want to be engaging in.
Additional Tips from an ADHD Therapist in Atlanta, GA
Body Doubling: Work alongside someone else (virtually or in person) to boost focus and accountability.
Visual Reminders: Use sticky notes, whiteboards, or apps to keep track of tasks and goals.
Environmental Design: Organize your workspace and home to minimize distractions and create a productive environment.
If you would like to learn more tips for managing your ADHD, reach out to The Chronic Illness Therapist. Our online ADHD therapist is here to support you!
Building Strategies for the ADHD Brain
By understanding how your brain works and adopting strategies that align with your unique neurology, you can create a fulfilling and productive life on your own terms. Remember, it's not about fitting into a mold – it's about finding what works for you.
So, there you have it! Traditional habits and routines might not always click with the unique wiring of the ADHD brain. But that doesn't mean you're doomed to disorganization and frustration. By embracing your strengths and working with your challenges, you can create systems that make your life not only easier but totally enjoyable.
Remember, the key is understanding yourself. Explore what works for you. This journey of self-discovery is a powerful tool, and the more you learn about your brain's desires, the better you can tailor strategies for your success.
Embrace the flexibility, creativity, and passion that come with ADHD. With a little effort and self-compassion, you can build a life that feels meaningful, productive, and joyful.
Unlock Your Potential with ADHD-Friendly Strategies in Online ADHD Therapy
Ready to break free from the frustration of rigid routines? If traditional habits and structures leave you feeling trapped and defeated, it’s time to embrace a new approach tailored to your unique ADHD brain. Discover how flexible, adaptive strategies can transform your daily life, making it more manageable and enjoyable! Follow the steps below to get started:
Learn more about ADHD strategies by reading our blogs.
Begin your journey of self-discovery in online ADHD therapy.
Other Services We Offer Anywhere In Georgia
At The Chronic Illness Therapist, we offer a range of therapeutic services to support individuals facing various challenges. Our grief therapy in Atlanta, GA provides compassionate support for those navigating loss, while our chronic illness therapy offers tailored assistance for managing complex chronic illnesses. Additionally, our anxiety and depression therapy provides evidence-based interventions.