ADHD dilemmas: So fast yet sooo slow
By Destiny Winters, LPC CRC
You know that moment when you realize you’re halfway through the day and haven’t gotten anything done on your to-list? Your brain and heart rate speed up and you frantically search for the next task you can complete… quickly. And then, you probably get enough done to satisfy your dopamine needs effectively, but you’re left feeling hungover and totally defeated because you still have so much left to do.
Yeah, that was my life for 25+ years. Even now, I catch myself in the familiar cycle of scrambling as soon as I see the deadline of the day approaching. But instead of letting myself run wild with adrenaline, I’ve learned how to slow and curb my responses so that they’re more controlled and effective.
Embracing grief
How, you ask?
I grieve.
Every time I feel despair about the day slipping away from me, I allow myself to feel let down and pissed off. I allow this because I know that “let down and pissed off” are normal, natural, human emotions. I know that if I want to also feel the thrilling pride and joy that comes along with completing tasks, I need to feel the down emotions too. If you block one emotion, you start blocking them all.
When the day is turning from bright blues and yellows to warmer oranges and purples, it means my time today has already been spent. (PS I’m an 8 am-9 pm kind of person, so this might not resonate with you wonderful and amazing night owls.) It means that the bulk of my work must be done, whether I’ve actually accomplished it or not.
Feeling overwhelmed by the “to-do” list
It’s not always the finite amount of time in the day that makes it so hard to accomplish tasks. Sometimes it’s the amount of task-switching we do. Since our brains can only handle around 4 tasks in our minds at a time, it’s very easy to have a list in your head only to forget about the big picture once you start working on the details.
Ex: I have a big-picture idea of building my podcast audience. So I start making a podcast episode, and then I think about a certain 30-second clip of the podcast recording that would make a great Instagram post. Then I start thinking about the 10 different things I have to do in order to make this Instagram post. And then I think about the fact that Instagram requires us to post very consistently in order to show my content to more people to help grow the channel, so now I’m thinking about all the IG content I need to make.
See how quickly I’m no longer thinking about the tasks required to publish my podcast? (Record, edit audio, put intro/outro in place, create show notes, and upload to Podcasters For Spotify).
It’s a lot, to be honest.
I know that slow and steady wins the race, but it’s so hard to do when you’re worried about forgetting about all the tasks that need to get done. And the reality is, you WILL forget tasks. That’s why having good, visual checklists are so helpful for getting it all done. But even with the checklists, projects can still quickly derail, and that’s why it’s important to allow yourself a moment of grief. This is a very necessary moment.
Processing emotions to get back on track
After you feel the grief, sadness, anger, etc., then and only then can you properly get back on the production train.
I think our ability to go into hyperfocus and extremely energetic modes gives us the false sense that we can recreate hyperactivity every single day and anytime we want. We can’t, and we shouldn’t. There’s only so much we can get done in a single day, and some days our bodies will allow us to get more done than other days.
So, when you start to feel like speeding up because you realize you only have a few hours left in the day, I urge you to look at your to-do list and immediately decide what you’re NOT going to do. While this might bring up a moment of grief, it can also bring in a ton of relief to remember that you’re human, and moving at human speed (instead of robot speed) is critical for maintaining our health and well-being.
If you want to learn more about how slowing down can benefit your ADHD, we’d love to hear from you at The Chronic Illness Therapist. As ADHD therapists in Atlanta, GA, we know how frustrating the self-shaming cycle can be when you don’t complete your to-do list. We’re here to help!
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At The Chronic Illness Therapist, we offer a range of therapeutic services to support individuals facing various challenges. Our grief therapy in Atlanta, GA provides compassionate support for those navigating loss, while our chronic illness therapy offers tailored assistance for managing complex chronic illnesses. Additionally, our anxiety and depression therapy provides evidence-based interventions.