The Roomba Roommate: Making Peace with Our ADHD Cleaning Patterns and Explaining Them To Others
by Rachel Hopkins APC CRC
I don’t know who exactly to credit for the wonderful parable comparing ADHD cleaning habits with that of a robotic vacuum cleaner, but the metaphor isn’t one that’s lost on those with lived experience. Just like a robotic vacuum, we bounce around the room cleaning as we go, but it’s not exactly “quality” and we usually have to go back to it again.
The Struggles of a Shared Space
What’s the implication of that for shared space? If you were anything like me in college, days played out hour to hour, and simply knowing where something was constituted celebration, much less picking it up, putting it away, and designating that as “its place” from here on out (odds are, I wouldn’t remember “its place” even if I had given it one!).
Explaining the difficulty of “actually cleaning up” comes after years of working towards acceptance that it is actually a challenge. The “pile system”, more recently coined as “DOOM piling” (Didn’t Organize, Only Moved), was and is my go-to, purely out of habit. Knowing this is my base instinct, explaining the system with roommates became necessary - if you rearrange and dismantle my pile, it’s like you dumped out my personal file cabinet and hid the contents.
Gentle Habits for Effective Cleaning
Obviously, it’s not realistic to assume simply explaining this habit gets us out of compromise. When we share space, there’s either a silently understood or literal agreement on the minimum expectations and standards for how the place is to be kept. Whether you’re the Roomba Roommate or the buddy of one, here are some gentle habits to make the most out of cleaning efforts.
“File” your personal piles:
Put your personal piles, such as your stack of mail, clothing, and books in your private, designated space. If not your room, agree upon a system with your roommate that may include designated spots in the common area that a “pile-approved”. If you’re partial to piling things by the door, such as mail, perhaps you invest in a cute, decorative cubby or basket that allows for stacking inside of it, but mitigates the visual clutter.
Never wander empty-handed:
I discovered this one on r/ADHD about a year ago and it was a game changer. Don’t walk around your house empty-handed. Going to the kitchen? Take your cup with you. Going to the bathroom? Take your hairbrush with you and go ahead and toss it under the sink. Passing by the washer-dryer? Go ahead and throw your socks in. One thing at a time with little additional effort required.
Body-Doubling:
My personal favorite and influential to both parties, body-doubling is the idea that two people engaging in productive activity “feed” off each other and subsequently get a heck of a lot more done. Have a frank discussion with your roommate and agree upon an hour each week where you both can make the most of the mirror neurons flying around! More about body-doubling here.
Creating New Habits: The Need for Change
Half of the struggle of building new habits is recognizing the need for them. You’re not a failure, a “bad” roommate/partner, or doomed to a life of disorganization. Understand, explain, and advocate for yourself by having conversations with your trusted folks. Above all, remember, even Roombas have to go back to their docking stations at the end of a hard shift - take care of yourself and have patience as you’re learning new patterns! If you’re curious to learn more about ADHD and cleaning patterns, reach out to The Chronic Illness Therapist!
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